"Le Cadeau de Politesse"

In the August Vogue (on newstands now) I came across an article entitled, "fashionably late" which discussed the concept of timeliness when it comes to social events, dinner parties and the like. Being the savvy, over-extended, always-on-the-go people that we are, often times we are running late for events as a result of previous commitments. But there are also those times when we consider it fashionable to be late, simply because we expect others will do the same and fear being the first eager beaver to arrive. Vogue referenced this idea of being fashionably late and when fashionably late crosses the boundaries of rude, by the French phrase "Le Cadeau de Politesse," loosely translated to mean, "The Gift of Politeness." This desire to arrive fashionably late has created a glitch in the party thrower and goers world.

This has been a constant source of disagreement and contention between me and my mom. Since my mom reads my blog (in an effort to discover the "real me" as she says) I decided I would confront her in this posting...as this is a non-confrontational method that will not turn into an argument.

My law school education has taught me the importance of disclosing all relevent information (regardless if some of the information may be damaging to your argument), however you can try to downplay or destress the particular facts that don't place your client in the most favorable light...so here goes the story between Erin Richelle and Joscelyn Alana.

Ok, so since the birth of Jeffrey Andrew and moreso, Madison Alexis, it seems as though we have more and more family get-togethers, dinners, etc. B/c mom likes cooking her non-traditional black people meals (non-traditional in the sense that instead of macaroni and cheese, collared greens, yams, fried chicken and cornbread (which she can make all very well) she opts to make crab quiche, pistachio crusted salmon, 7 layer salads, oyster stuffing, lump crabcakes, mango tarts, enchilladas, lobster ravioli, clams, mussels, etc) we usually end up hosting the family at our house. The argument usually begins b/c mom wants the house clean and as all of you know I am domestically challenged, so I have a hard time finding the urgency in dusting the dustboards around the house, isn't vacuuming good enough!!! Needless to say after hours of "Erin Richelle, don't forget to move this, pick up this, vacuum that, wash this, shine that, bla bla bla..." there is about enough friction between this winning mother-daughter duo to make my hair (after a really good press) stand straight up in a staticy state...

Then the BIG BANG comes ... so let's say we tell the fam that dinner starts at 5...ok, we are black so we ALL know that means 5:30. But with some of my family members that 5:00 translates to 6:00, 6:30 and possibly even 7:00. Well b/c my mom is on her exotic meal tip, you can't really have mussels, salmon, or some of her other meals sitting out too long or it just won't taste as good... So, mom rationalizes that she will put the food in when the first guest arrives... (mind you its not like roasting a turkey which takes all day, most of this seafood takes about 15 - 30 mins max)...that way it won't be cold when everyone arrives...

I couldn't disagree with her more, I say, have the food ready at the time that you tell the guests that dinner will be served. Therefore, if you say dinner at 5 and no one shows until 6...when they arrive the food will either be a) VERY COLD or b) GONE...and they will know for next time that 5 means 5, therefore encouraging them to arrive on time for the next event! Under my mom's backwards system, she is promoting tardiness and actually encouraging it, b/c when guests arrive at 6 and see that she is just putting the food in, next time they will come even later, 6:30, b/c they know that the meal definitely won't be ready at 5:00. Creating a never ending cycle of tardiness on both ends ... So, with that said, what belief system do you subscribe to??? ... If you say 5:00 should everything be ready at 5:00 or should we continue to play the "Colored People Game " and not serve the food until 6??? ... Let Erin Richelle know?!?!

Clearly, Erin Richelle believes that if both the party goer and party thrower submitted to "Le Cadeau de Politesse" then the black socialite / party world would be a much better place for you and me...

I know once mom reads this she will be upset that I put her on blogspot blast, but until she creates Memoirs of Joscelyn Alana she can only voice her complaints to me...and her reach won't be nearly as wide as that of Erin Richelle's ... love & laters!!!

Summer 2006 Firsts

In this journey, we call life - a gal can go along completely oblivious to the fact that there are things that she has never done, never encountered or never tried. I'm not talking about deep-sea scuba diving, making a sprite can disappear in your mouth, getting your nickname tattooed on your left ta-ta, taking E-pills or wearing white open-toed shoes after Labor Day (all definitely OUT OF THE QUESTION VENTURES), rather I am referring to the ordinary, "every girl has done it without even thinking twice" activities. As of date, Summer 2006 has been the season for Erin Richelle firsts...

1.) Cooking a hotdog - The constant joke amongst friends and family members is the fact that I am domestically challenged. No cooking, no cleaning, no ironing - No problem!?! In Erin Richelle's perfect world, a man would bring home the bacon, cook it / fry it, then clean up the mess he has made in the kitchen. But after seeing my fair share of men in action, including my Dad, stepdad, and a handful of daters (names not worth mentioning) I have realized that this idea is simply a princess fantasy. So, in a perfect world revised, man and woman (future Claire Huxtable lawyer) will both bring home the sushi (modern girl's bacon), hire a personal cook and of course the much needed housekeeper. Anyways, I say all this to say...In honor of all things 4th of July (Legally Blonde Quote - "You look like the 4th of July, makes me want a hotdog reeeaaal bad!"), and with July being "National Hotdog Month" I put on my domestic cape and made my first hotdog. Why I made a hotdog? (1) mom was out of town, (2) tired of eating leftovers, (3) probably was feeling too lazy to leave the house and buy a real meal. This was no ordinary hotdog...1st I boiled the Dietz & Watson hotdog in hot water, then I dipped it in barbecue sauce - to give it that fresh over the grill mesquite taste, then I placed it in the oven so it would get that "I was talking while I was grilling, left the hotdog on too long and burned it" look. Even though old boy said the barbecue part sounded "nasty as shit", that is why he is old boy and not new boy...and in conclusion, my hotdog was effing FABULOUS!!!

2.) Doing my hair - Ok, so you are like TACKY GIRL...you don't do your hair!!! No fools, if you know me well enough to be reading Memoirs of Erin Richelle, you would know that I am a once-a-weeker at La Pearls Beauty Emporium. Once-a-weeker is a coveted title that you get only by going "once-a-week" and having a standing appointment in the electronic appointment book. Doing my hair is a first, because this is the first time in life that I have actually done my own hair from start to finish (wash, blow dry and flat iron). After encouragement from one of my new best friends Aisha G. (we have similar hair texture - which is important b/c you cannot take styling tips from someone who has completely different texture...or else you are just setting yourself up for disaster) for the first time in life, I felt empowered that I too could do my own hair. Since I was in Detroit for an entire week at Boule (see Welcome to Detroit City blogpost for further details) I missed my Friday/Saturday hair appointment at Pearls. By the end of 1 week - my hair had lost all bounce and it was about as flat as my chest in 5th grade. So, with Aisha's words of encouragement I was able to complete the entire process in 2 1/2 hours. In conclusion, my homemade hair was effing FABULOUS!!!

3.) Changing a diaper - Since I am an only child, I do feel like I should get a pass on this one. Afterall changing a non-family members diaper is nothing more than wiping a strangers ass. However, having 5 younger cousins, I have no idea how I managed to escape this duty for 23 years of my life. On Friday July 21st, I changed my first diaper when I was babysitting for a local family. The youngest was 1.5 years old. Before her mom left, as she gave me the diaper changing instructions, she interrupted herself and said "I'm sure you've done this plenty of times before." At that point, I couldn't have said NO, b/c I would have been out of $60 for a few hours of work. So (as the ghetto girls who wear weaves motto goes) "fake it until you make it," I just faked it an prayed that little Natalie, wouldn't have any "brown" for the evening. Luckily, she didn't, only a little "yellow" which was something I could totally deal with. The diaper process was relatively easy except for the fact that the diapers weren't labeled "front" and "back", at least they could have given me an "F" and "B" for me to decipher. Using my law school intuition, I figured that it made the most sense for the straps to come from the back and snap on the front of the diaper. The only thing I could NOT master was the diaper genie...at which point, I agreed with Carrie Bradshaw in the episode, Baby, Talk is Cheap. When Samantha asked "What the hell is a diaper genie?", she responded, "I don't know ... someone you hire to change a kid's diaper." As I smashed the diaper into the little machine, I knew I clearly hadn't used the contraption correctly, but, that would be left for her mother to deal with when she got home. After an entire lifetime of no diapers, two days later, I had my second encounter, when my precious Madison Alexis (baby cousin, who is the new princess in town and center of everyone's world) made a big "brown" in church...although I tried my best to tackle this new challenge, my brief encounter 2 days ago was no preparation for what Madison left for me...I had to call in for back up...My MOMMY!!! Realistically, I think Madison was not as cooperative with me, b/c she knew she was not my first, she knew that just two days prior I had changed Natalie...and Madison was not having it...and why should she, afterall Madison is the princess, she is Madison Alexis...and she DESERVED to be my first! But, MADISON ALEXIS is a blog within herself - and I will reserve further comments on her for a later blog that will be forthcoming ... In conclusion, my first diaper change, (with the exception of the diaper not being labeled "front" and "back" and my difficulty operating the diaper genie) was effing FABULOUS (as effing fabulous as diaper changing can be)!!!

Please stay tuned for additional Erin Richelle firsts...love & laters!!!

Welcome to Detroit City!

Intro:
"Where's my gangstas and all my thugs?
Throw them hands up and show us some love
And I Welcome u to Detroit City
I said welcome to Detroit City"

Ok, So as most of you should know, the 62nd Boule of Alpha Kappa Alpha was held in Detroit. Detroit??? you may ask, well my sentiments exactly! Detroit, (home of the homeless, car-robberies, 8 mile and uhm Eminem) welcomed nearly 10,000 of my pink and green clad sorors into the drab city. Determined to make our time in Detroit superfun...my (under 25) nat'l committee members and I hit the city on our first night there!

1. Detroit Club "the girls who clearly didn't belong"- Even though we were in Detroit we were still determined to look runway ready. We were escorted to the club by one of my friend's friends who was actually a native of Detroit. (No, he didn't have gold teeth, nor did he drive an Impala). By virtue of his NFL status (name and team will remain nameless to protect everyone's anonymity), we were able to cut to the front of the line and gave the Detroitians Reason #2 to dislike us. (Reason #1 was clearly because we looked like celebrities compared to them).

On our way into the club we saw the craziest sight ever...ok, imagine if you will a baby booty set - you know, the ones generally crocheted for newborns by an older aunt, grandma, etc. Well now, imagine a 175+ pound woman wearing a pink and white baby booty crocheted outfit with her cellulite covered thighs popping out of the sides. No exaggeration! Sidenote: Samantha M. Clancy introduced me to the website ghettomess.com, when I first saw the site I thought - where do they get these pics from (500 lb. women wearing tassels and spandex, women w/ billboards for hairstyles)...clearly, these pics must be staged. However, after seeing homegirl and her baby bootied outfit, I believe ghettomess.com gets their material from Detroit, MI. If only I wasn't afraid of getting jumped by this woman - I would have taken a picture to share w/ the class!

Once in the club it was time to order drinks, since my birthday episode, I have been slightly afraid of Vodka, but at my first night in Detroit I knew the only way I would survive the night would be accompanied by a cocktail. 1st sign that I need not order a drink from such an establishment - the bartender was DRUNK... Ok, so I thought it was like the cardinal rule of bartenders, drug dealers and the like, you sell the drugs and serve the liquor - but never do you indulge. Homeboys words were slurred and he was slumped over the bar as he attempted to make cosmos and long islands for us. 2nd sign that I need not order a drink from such an establishment - The same drunken bartender made my cosmo from some type of vodka named VODKA. Double take - yes, this is vodka but does it have a name??? It was like the alcohol version of the 1980's no frills, black and white packages that were in the supermarkets. SODA "no frills"; POTATO CHIPS "no frills"; POPSICLES "no frills"! Not even wearing my bougie - can a get named brand, doesn't even have to be topshelf - just something I at least recognize - thanks!

2. Working for AKA - so clearly when I took my vows in 2002 (4 years - getting old) I knew that i wouldn't be a wack soror. I would stay active, I would work hard, I would be a good soror! After all, my great-aunt (the first AKA in our family), grandmother, god-mother, mother and cousin Vicki had done the same. This week I along with (most) of our committee members ran around working for AKA - not b/c we were paid to, not b/c we had to, but b/c we wanted to and we accepted her call. At times we may have annoyed each other, but at the end of the day we accomplished our goal set back in 2004 of carrying out an extremely successful election, where candidates truly "campaigned w/ class."

My point in saying this... Yes, myself and a few of my close sorors have high aspirations to one day lead the sorority, however, that role is not for everyone. I recognize that not everyone wants to be a national president, regional director, or maybe even a chapter president. But, when we took those vows to finer womanhood - it wasn't just to sit at a certain table in the dining hall and wear the most fashionable color-combination (pink and green) for the season. I think the same goes for every sorority or organization ... it is just funny how some people just HAD to be down a few years ago - and now they aren't even active, financial, attend conferences, etc. Don't get me wrong, if you have to take a year after college to get yourself together by all means - take it! But it is time to get back. This was the first year EVER that _ _ had a chapter member run for a directorate position, unfortunately there were only 2 (yes 2) _ _ members (both alumni) in attendance. (So, not cute!)

3. So our new nat'l president is F for FABULOUS! I don't quite have the words to express how on point our new nat'l president is. All I will say is - I wouldn't be suprised if she announced her candidacy for president of the United States by the 2012 elections!

In conclusion, although the city of Detroit is superwack (in the words of Toya J.). The Boule was enjoyable, educational, and I learned a lot!!! And, myself and my two confidantes (they know who they are) were inspired and will be ready to announce our candidacy at least by the 2030 Boule!

Outro:
"Where's my gangstas and all my thugs?
Throw them hands up and show us some love
And I Welcome u to Detroit City
I said welcome to Detroit City"