Are we MEAN???
"She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack." - Regina circa Mean Girls
After traveling the social waves of high school, college / sorority life, and now law school I have managed to carve out my space in various social circles. One social circle that has managed to stand the test of times has been the Fearsome Foursome, (Candice, Eneida, Shannon & myself) although it is rare that all four of us are together, whenever even two of us are reunited we somehow are transformed into these viciously evil creatures, where absolutely no one is off limits. Another group is composed of the self proclaimed fabulous track girls of the University of Richmond ... (Ashley, Jen, Julee & myself) over the years we have formed a crazy special bond, but again when we are together it is definitely a gossip fest. Then we have the pow-wow group. Pow-wowwing: n. The process of gathering either in a dorm room or NC Pink Room where individuals including but not limited to (Samantha, Erica, Cassandra, Krystal, Shannon, Diamond (before her 2004 graduation) and Erin) get together under the auspices of handling business but results in divulging of secrets, i saw..., i heard..., and giiirrrll did you knows... ultimately resulting in a hardcore gossip session. Most recently, Ashley and I have emerged as a fierce mean girl duo in a way that can only be categorized by the split of Destiny's Child - (where we would be Beyonce & Kelly...if you get where I'm going). Ashley and I have spent most of the summer being nothing less than MEAN GIRLS.
Now, some of you self-righteous types are probably thinking or saying, "you biatches...who do you think you are???" My response: "biatches, we are you!!!" Just as my little cousin Drew says when he does something gross like pick his nose and eats it or passes gas in public, "boys will be boys" and all I'm saying is, "girls will be girls." Girls, regardless of what part of the country / world we are from, how we were raised, what schools we attended, and what organizations / groups we have been apart of ... at the end of the day we are still women, and unfortunately, with that comes our PBC (Platinum Biatch Card) where no credit check is necessary and we are all pre-approved at birth. I came to this realization, when I was in Detroit with two of my galpals (Aisha and Wiljeana) who I've only known for two years, only see about once or twice a year, but when we are together, it's like we've been BFF's from birth.
Unfortunately, I noticed that I say the following phrase to all of these groups of friends, usually in the midst of laughter - "Omigosh, why are we soooo mean???" Although we have all attempted to make tremendous efforts to be nicer...I guess you really can't teach old gals new tricks!!! Is it in the female chemistry that makes us this way??? Is it some horrible trait found in our second X chromosome that isn't in the male's Y chromosome that makes us this way??? Did our Barbie's and Cabbage Patch dolls send us subliminal bitchy messages??? Or, since we "learned everything we needed to know in Kindergarden," did Miss Macamur pull all of the girls in knee socks and penny loafers off to the side of the room to give us a quick tutorial on how to be mean??? Hmmmm....I wonder!?!?!?!?!
To close, I will leave you with a few of the meanest comments that have been uttered from some of my closest galpals (and i will even admit to having uttered a few of them myself) that come to mind...if anyone else remembers any classics...feel free to send them to me and I will post them for America's viewing pleasure!!!
- "Gross, her boyfriend writes sex books"
- "I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but DAMN, that's an ugly cover"
-"I knew I didn't like her as soon as I saw her wearing that polyester jacket"
-"eeeuw his titties are bigger than mine"
-"His tongue ring is probably like a petri dish full of STD's"
-"If she were an animal, she'd be a rhinocerous"
-"She probably made that Louis Vuitton purse in her basement"
-"Girl, don't worry about him. He has two kids anyway!"
-"So what??? Do these boys (who wore athletic department handouts) during their 4 years of college, graduate and either work for Enterprise or suddenly think they are models"
-"Whatever biatch, take off that squirrel from around your neck" (for the record S. it was not squirrel, it was a 1940's vintage Hadley fur and cashmere cardigan passed down from my great-aunt ... thank you very much)
-One friend's mother encouraged her to say this when she was growing up, anytime one of her classmates called her a ni**er "Well, your mother sucks ni**er dick" (clearly some of us have been MEAN GIRLS since an early age and like a fine wine our meanness has only matured and grown more effing fabulous with age)...
After traveling the social waves of high school, college / sorority life, and now law school I have managed to carve out my space in various social circles. One social circle that has managed to stand the test of times has been the Fearsome Foursome, (Candice, Eneida, Shannon & myself) although it is rare that all four of us are together, whenever even two of us are reunited we somehow are transformed into these viciously evil creatures, where absolutely no one is off limits. Another group is composed of the self proclaimed fabulous track girls of the University of Richmond ... (Ashley, Jen, Julee & myself) over the years we have formed a crazy special bond, but again when we are together it is definitely a gossip fest. Then we have the pow-wow group. Pow-wowwing: n. The process of gathering either in a dorm room or NC Pink Room where individuals including but not limited to (Samantha, Erica, Cassandra, Krystal, Shannon, Diamond (before her 2004 graduation) and Erin) get together under the auspices of handling business but results in divulging of secrets, i saw..., i heard..., and giiirrrll did you knows... ultimately resulting in a hardcore gossip session. Most recently, Ashley and I have emerged as a fierce mean girl duo in a way that can only be categorized by the split of Destiny's Child - (where we would be Beyonce & Kelly...if you get where I'm going). Ashley and I have spent most of the summer being nothing less than MEAN GIRLS.
Now, some of you self-righteous types are probably thinking or saying, "you biatches...who do you think you are???" My response: "biatches, we are you!!!" Just as my little cousin Drew says when he does something gross like pick his nose and eats it or passes gas in public, "boys will be boys" and all I'm saying is, "girls will be girls." Girls, regardless of what part of the country / world we are from, how we were raised, what schools we attended, and what organizations / groups we have been apart of ... at the end of the day we are still women, and unfortunately, with that comes our PBC (Platinum Biatch Card) where no credit check is necessary and we are all pre-approved at birth. I came to this realization, when I was in Detroit with two of my galpals (Aisha and Wiljeana) who I've only known for two years, only see about once or twice a year, but when we are together, it's like we've been BFF's from birth.
Unfortunately, I noticed that I say the following phrase to all of these groups of friends, usually in the midst of laughter - "Omigosh, why are we soooo mean???" Although we have all attempted to make tremendous efforts to be nicer...I guess you really can't teach old gals new tricks!!! Is it in the female chemistry that makes us this way??? Is it some horrible trait found in our second X chromosome that isn't in the male's Y chromosome that makes us this way??? Did our Barbie's and Cabbage Patch dolls send us subliminal bitchy messages??? Or, since we "learned everything we needed to know in Kindergarden," did Miss Macamur pull all of the girls in knee socks and penny loafers off to the side of the room to give us a quick tutorial on how to be mean??? Hmmmm....I wonder!?!?!?!?!
To close, I will leave you with a few of the meanest comments that have been uttered from some of my closest galpals (and i will even admit to having uttered a few of them myself) that come to mind...if anyone else remembers any classics...feel free to send them to me and I will post them for America's viewing pleasure!!!
- "Gross, her boyfriend writes sex books"
- "I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but DAMN, that's an ugly cover"
-"I knew I didn't like her as soon as I saw her wearing that polyester jacket"
-"eeeuw his titties are bigger than mine"
-"His tongue ring is probably like a petri dish full of STD's"
-"If she were an animal, she'd be a rhinocerous"
-"She probably made that Louis Vuitton purse in her basement"
-"Girl, don't worry about him. He has two kids anyway!"
-"So what??? Do these boys (who wore athletic department handouts) during their 4 years of college, graduate and either work for Enterprise or suddenly think they are models"
-"Whatever biatch, take off that squirrel from around your neck" (for the record S. it was not squirrel, it was a 1940's vintage Hadley fur and cashmere cardigan passed down from my great-aunt ... thank you very much)
-One friend's mother encouraged her to say this when she was growing up, anytime one of her classmates called her a ni**er "Well, your mother sucks ni**er dick" (clearly some of us have been MEAN GIRLS since an early age and like a fine wine our meanness has only matured and grown more effing fabulous with age)...
posted by Erin Richelle @ 10:44 AM
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